Haiku
Of late, a dearly trusted confidente and I have spent a great deal of time (that could have been spent in the great outdoors in some way bettering ourselves) having haiku battles via email.
I think haiku battling could be the new pub equivalent of the rap battle. Think of it in this way - you don’t need a DJ, ill fitting trousers or a particularly ‘up for it’ crowd. Just a corner or a booth, two pads of paper with pens and the finest wits of your generation.
It is this newfound interest in haiku (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Haiku to the ignorant/uninitiated) that led me to one of the funniest entries I’ve seen anywhere online to date.
A young lady had decided to write a haiku for each and every one of her sexual partners: http://terriblyexciting.blogspot.com/2009/04/haiku.html
They say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery - and whilst I don’t have the spite (or to be honest, vocabulary) to include each and every, here are some of the best that I came up with (usually on the bus to and from work, weirdly).
N.B: For the sake of retaining ones connection to ones family jewels, I have (of course) omitted to include anyone that I am still on speaking terms with.
Tattoos and piercings,
Was a surprise that you were,
so body conscious
In that nights darkness,
I learnt why girls tan topless,
glow in the dark boobs!
Typical fitty
full of your own importance
pretty but lazy
built up in my head
could only have ever been
a disappointment
Still today, anyone
finds out about me and you
I will surely die
Morrissey was right
when he said that some girls are
bigger than others.
Hello, who are you?
One weekends non stop shagging,
then see you later.
Being high on drugs,
isn’t an excuse for that.
Honestly, you’re weird.
Holiday romance?
Utterly joyless bonking.
Was glad when you left.
Bad idea for sure,
albeit enjoyable,
Later, we were fine
Oh Christ Almighty
You’ve left me with a thing for
yoga devotees
Pip Pip.
