Leslie
After the recent death of Leslie Neilson, my chum Tony, whom I worked with about five years ago sent me a ‘compendium’ that I had compiled whilst we worked together.
The way that this worked was, when someone famous died – we’d all put forward our favourite celebrities whom share that firstname. I’d pick ten, then write sarcastic things about them.
I think this must have been written at the time of another famous Leslies death (whom, sadly I can’t remember).
I’d totally forgotten about the existence of these articles, so hope Tony sends me some more from his ‘comedy archive’.
Here it is, in tribute to Leslie Neilson, whom died late last year (and for whichever Leslie, lost in the sands of time, for whom it was originally written).
Leslie (also sometimes spelt Lesley)
From a surname which was derived from a Scottish place name meaning either “garden of hollies” or “garden by the pool” in Gaelic
Leslie Neilson - American Comedy actor. Star of “Police Squad” and later “Naked Gun,” which contains the immortal, greatest one liner in US movie history, where Priscilla Presley (you would) climbs up a ladder and out of shot. Neilson looks up and exclaims, “Hey! Nice beaver!” Genius.
Leslie Joseph - UK TV comedy actress. Forever typecast as mutton dressed as mutton middle aged suburban nympho Dorian in TV’s unfunniest sitcom ever, Birds of a Feather. Seriously weird to watch in interviews because she simply is Dorian.
Lesley Grantham - Eastenders boo hiss pantomime bad guy ‘Dirty Den’. Certainly the only bloke I can think of on TV that’s definitely killed someone. (Grantham did 8 years bird pre-stardom for manslaughter).
Lesley Crowther - British TV institution. Crowther’s broadcasting career spanned 3 decades and just about every light entertainment format in the book. To a generation he was the face of kids TV’s Crackerjack, then later, Saturday night family favourite “The Price is Right” - a show that still gets airtime on virtually every ‘bloopers’ show on TV because of the time a womans tit fell out as she ran down the stairs responding to Crowthers “Come on down!” war cry… Tragically died in 1996 from head injuries sustained in a car accident four years earlier. Proof that they simply don’t make them like they used to. Mr. Crowther, we salute you.
Leslie Charteris - Accept no imitations, Roger Moore is a fraud. Charteris is the original, and best Simon Templar. I’m not even going to mention that sh*teater Kilmer.
Leslie Ash - First appeared as the ‘fit girl next door’ type alongside Phil Daniels in legendary mods vs. rockers flick ‘Quadrophenia’. Then reappeared 15 years later as ‘fit bird upstairs’ in TV’s ‘Men Behaving Badly’. Only thing is, she’s never been fit. It’s been a rough few years for Leslie recently though - tragically disfigured (oh, how I laughed…) when her collagen injections went wrong, then created a Tabloid feeding frenzy due to it emerging that she’d sustained a broken rib through ‘rough sex’ (woah there girl!). Has now relocated to France citing tabloid intrusion in her life as explanation.
Leslie Garett - What is it about Cardiff slappers and singing? Possibly the most irritating person I have ever seen interviewed with her ov-er e-nun-ci-a-ted vo-wel sounds and constantly shocked expression. To paraphrase my old man (possibly the most curmudgeonly old f**ker on the planet), “A kind face…. The kind of face I’d like to kick”
Leslie Waters - TV chef and ‘Ready Steady Cook’ regular. Laughs like an asthmatic llama.. Old Ainsley calls her ‘Les’ and clearly regularly has to refrain from adding “bian” on to the end of it. The poor mans Sophie Grigson.
Lesley McKenna - Scotland’s (and the UK’s) number one freestyle snowboarder. Originally from Glasgow, which interestingly, is home of the deep fried battered pizza, a veritable delicacy, I’m sure.
(Compiled circa 2005)
