Falafel
New Zealand doesn’t really do vegetarianism as a concept.
It’s not usually a massive problem if one eats out in a restaurant, but is particularly noticeable in the arena of grabbing a quick, possibly mobile, bite to eat when in a hurry. Your usual lazy vegetarian staples of a nasty Ginsters or Pork Farm Cheese & Onion pasty aren’t really available, and many places don’t even stock vegetarian sandwiches. (I try and avoid dairy these days too).
Ergo, I’ve pretty much exhausted (through constant repetition) the possibilities within a ten minute walking radius of my place of work.
The strange oxymoron of this situation, is that New Zealand kebab shops often sell falafel or muvjar (vegetable fritter) kebabs, which rock. As an aside, NZ kebabs also seem (this may well be an illusion) to be a somewhat healthier option than their UK counterparts. (They’re served as a wrap in a tortilla for one - somewhat easier on the carb intake).
I therefore set myself a goal of reviewing all of the kebab shops within ten minutes of my office.
I created a set of criteria for benchmarking purposes: always ordering the same (a mixed vege, with tahini and chilli sauce), going in at the same time of day and created a scoring system that included points for general ambience (many kebab shops attempt a kind of tented bazaar feel on this side of the world), the rudeness of staff (I feel that the whole kebab experience is enhanced by the thinly veiled contempt of your server) and bonus points for ‘artistic flair’.
I’ll be honest; on completion of my survey, it made for very, very dull reading.
The upshot of the entire process however, was that I created a rap, based upon my appreciation of this finest of comestibles.
Here it is, by popular demand (of the one person that I sent it to):
(Imagine this being delivered in an Aspects/Parlour Talk style heavy Bristolian accent):
The Falafel (w)Rap.
Ringing in my head, like a bell,
I’ve got that craving for falafel,
I need tabuleh and tahini too,
It’s right for me and it’s right for you,
It’s serious fayre it’s not a joke,
I wash it down with diet coke,
Lightly spiced - chilli and cumin,
Eat too many, you’ll look like a moomin.
(Badly sung gang chorus)
I loves veggie kebabs, almost as much as I love my Mum & Dad,
I could eat them every day, but I try and only eat them on the day I gets paid
I loves veggie kebabs, almost as much as I love my Mum & Dad,
I could eat them every day, but I try and only eat them on the day I gets paid
In a pitta or sometimes a wrap
Shoddy electrics, this shop’s a death trap
Sometimes you get muvjar, they’re the nuts
I often find myself in there when the pub shuts
I’ve eaten falafels in many locations,
in cities, villages, outside train stations,
The best in the world, if I can be blunt,
Bristol Falafel King down the waterfront
(Badly sung gang chorus)
I loves veggie kebabs, almost as much as I love my Mum & Dad,
I could eat them every day, but I try and only eat them on the day I gets paid
I loves veggie kebabs, almost as much as I love my Mum & Dad,
I could eat them every day, but I try and only eat them on the day I gets paid
