Recruitment
To everything there is a season. A few changes have occurred of late and recruitment consultants have re-entered my life.
It easy to knock recruitment consultants and many do. They’re a modern day bogey man in a life that’s full of disappointments. Didn’t get that job you wanted? - Blame the consultant, not yourself..
I won’t though, partly because I was one for three years. The first half of which I would say the most enjoyable part of my career to date. I came from a hideous financial services job in which we were told that we were an uber-professional elite but weren’t, into an environment of miscreants and misfits from other industries whom had all been successful in their own way, but not been able to deal with the structure of more corporate environments.
In my financial services job, we lived in fear of our despotic sales manager, the FSA (whom had access to all of our telephone calls which were digitally recorded) and by a code of ‘professional standards’ that included being five minutes early for every meeting, not rolling up ones sleeves or undoing your top button (even when the air-conditioning was broken), never swearing on the premises, not eating or drinking at ones desk, being able to answer questions on that weeks financial press at any time and many, many more.
In recruitment, or lives were simple. Our bad language was not to be commented upon, our topic of conversation was never picked up for being un-PC, we were given free reign and extensive expenses. We were told to be on time, presentably dressed and to spend two hours on the phone every day or die trying. Poor performance resulted in on first offence getting yelled at, on second a cardboard box with your personal effects in it. If you wished to throw a barrage of foam balls at the permanent team, or circulate humorous emails, then that was okay if you were on target and it didn’t interrupt your working day. It was thus, paradise to those whom had the ability.
Many candidates have horror stories about their bad experiences with dishonest recruitment consultants (of which there are many) but you would perhaps understand the disdain with how you are treated by them if the shoe was on the other foot and you dealt with the idiocy of the average job seeker on a daily basis. I’ve met Joe Public - and I can assure you, he’s a total f**king moron.
There is honour amongst thieves, however, and I am glad to say that whilst we were allowed to let off steam as we saw fit, that I worked for what was rightfully regarded as a professional and ethical consultancy.
It genuinely was a ‘work hard/play hard’ balance and I miss the camaraderie of it to this day. I made several close friends and the extra-curricular activities were at least as hard on the constitution as the time spent at work. Inevitably, I went too far and sadly, the rest of my time in recruitment went by in a blizzard of cocaine and ill-advised shirt and tie combos before I escaped overseas.
My recent interactions with local consultants (I’ve not thought that much of them, if I’m honest, but I’d have higher standards than most) reminded me of the opening of the training delivered to me by a senior consultant.
I realised that things were going to be different than jobs I’d had before based on this following diatribe (written from memory) alone:
“Welcome to recruitment, there’s a little something you should know: All the clients are c**ts. All the candidates are c**ts. They all think that you’re a c**t. Because of that, you owe them nothing. Yes, you will find diamonds in the rough. You will find contractors whom will stick with you, they’ll give you little leads and ask your opinion on clients and the market. They understand the hard work that you do for them. You won’t mind going the extra mile for these individuals and if you do, you will distinguish yourself from the mire and it will pay you back in spades. You will also find clients whom you don’t mind going the extra mile for. You will put in the extra effort and you will sacrifice the extra percent. You will do it because you know that they are straight and that they are fair and that they value what you do. You might find yourself fantasizing that if you’d met any other way, that you might have become mates. But they will be a rarity. The rest of the time, everyone wants to f**k you. And f**k you they will. You will get f**ked over by dishonest clients. You will get f**ked over by dishonest candidates. You will get f**ked over by dishonest competitors. It will hurt you every time until eventually you learn. This, young man, is an industry of c**t and you trust people at your peril. Do you like people? Because if you do this for long enough, you f**king won’t anymore”
